I decided from a young age that I would one day take this journey.
Here I stand, a junior in college experiencing, for the first time, a semester abroad. The first week of school has officially concluded and I have to say that honestly, I feel okay. However, my good mood and spirits weren't always where they stand now. The road to get here was far from smooth and was actually very emotionally taxing. As you know from previous posts, I do suffer from depression and everyday is a battle, but I pull through somehow. It's a different story when you're far from home and the supports that you once had close by, are gone like water slipping between your fingers. Here's the story.
The sendoff
I'm packed! Finally! I have double checked and triple checked everything. I have money and My card has been cleared for use abroad. My electronics are insured, ticket booked, and all of my travel details are in order. I can't wait to start this journey. I wasn't excited before, but now I'm actually a little happy to be doing this. I'm extremely nervous since this will be my first time traveling completely alone. Not to mention I'm going out of the country for an extended period of time for the first time in my life.
This is a good time to mention that I have eczema all over my body and stress makes it flare up something fierce. It;s really hard to function in that state. Moving on.
I'm nervous, but the nerves are offset by how irritating my mother has been in the week leading up to my departure. She has been trying to force my father into a place where he doesn't fit. He hasn't been in my life since I was two. He comes back when I'm...about eighteen and my mom is all like "Give him a chance". I don't want to. I am perfectly fine without him. I was never one of those kids who felt incomplete just because one parent was not in the picture. My mom was everything that I need and I was okay with that. It's not like I didn't know about him, I just didn't care.
Anyway, he's been trying to be a part of my life ever since and quite honestly he's trying too hard and I don't really want him there, but for the sake of my sanity I argue very little about it. He wasn't there for all of the hard parts of this journey, so why should he get to be a part of the rewards? Well, my mom doesn't see it that way so she's been pushing for family everything before I leave, and a 21st birthday party which I don't much care for,especially if they involve him. It is irritating because she nags me and then pouts and throws tantrums when I refuse. What's worse is that I would tolerate all of the stupid events that she wanted to do, if her attitude towards me didn't change when she was around him and my aunts. But, she acts like a completely different person and that shit is unacceptable at a supposed celebration for me. Hence stage one of the stress that slowly began to build.
The day before my departure my mother decided that she wants to drive down to Philly around five in the morning to beat the traffic. That is perfectly fine with me,we've done it before for doctor's appointments and such. My problem with the plan is that she didn't have any idea where we would stay when we got there at like six AM, until check in at the hotel at 4PM. So, the car is loaded with my luggage, I'm up and dressed. She tells me to warm up the car, it's cold as shit outside, I'm fucking freezing while I warm up the car. She gets in the car and at the last minute after already pulling out, decides that there are things she needs to do and won't leave until she does them. I was upset, but then I was like fine more sleep for me, even though I just sat in the cold for no reason now. Then just as I'd finally drifted back off, she's like we have to leave now because it's snowing. GAAHHHH! Fine. We fishtail all the way into the city, almost dying at several intervals, my mother thinks it's okay to joke about the experience. It's really not o-fucking-kay. We get to my grandparents house, I'm fine with sitting in he car to finish sleeping. Plus I didn't feel like talking to anybody at the moment since I knew I was cranky from lack of sleep. She calls and calls and fucking calls my cell phone. I ignore, trying to sleep. She plays with the fucking car locks. Like seriously? Grow Up. I finally answer one of the calls: she tells me to come in the house and bring her fucking purse. Now, I am thoroughly pissed. Not the Greatest sendoff, Stress rising.
I sit in the house thoroughly pissed off and not in the mood to socialize with my grandparents. Not to mention the lack of heat in the house. At least he car was warm. I was better off outside. My mom decides she doesn't like my attitude; well she should have left me alone. She tells me to go to airport by myself. It is an understatement when I say I was more than glad to do so. But for some unknown reason, on that day of all motherfucking days, my Internet didn't work. So I was having some difficulty mapping out my route to the airport. I had never traveled there alone and the last time I was there was when I was eight. So I text my girlfriend for help. Well, it goes without saying that my mother was the least bit pleased. It was laughable really. It was clear that she was jealous that I called my best friend to help me. She was so certain that I wouldn't leave. She insulted me saying I was acting like a baby, she said I was being inconsiderate of her having to drive all the way in to the city (I would have just taken the bus if I'd known she'd be so fucking annoying the whole time), she said that my life didn't revolve around "that girl". It doesn't; but, when someone is being a douche you call people who will help you out of a bad situation. It was clear on her face that she didn't want me to leave. I was sick of her shit though. So, her final words were a threat to kick me out of the house. Talk about spiteful. Well, I just gave up. I went back in the house and shivered through a nap.
When check in time finally came, we loaded into a cab, picked up my dad and went to check into the hotel. Thankfully I got my own room. Irritation lowering, but nerves rising. I text my girlfriend who happened to live just a ten minute bus ride away to come see me,but she was having her own emotional stress moment. She didn't come and I spent a lot of time trying to console her. The next I ate at I hop with my parents and then we went to the airport. There they continued to annoy me with there commentary and my father with his uneducated comments about foreign things. It was a irritation on irritation off type of morning. They were annoying about pictures and at one point my mom got so frustrated she started pouting over her phone camera, when she clearly wouldn't listen to anyone's advice on why her picture wasn't coming out right. I sad fine and went to check in through security. She stopped pouting long enough to kiss me goodbye. That made me happy. Once through security, I waved to my parents and that was the last time I saw them that day.
Once I was past security, I didn't really know what to do with myself. I converted some money and I found my gate. I decided I'd eat something, though I wasn't really hungry. I sent and update to my parents, to which I received no reply. I figured my mom was bawling or something. I sat down to eat and started texting my girlfriend. Who would have known about the surprise I would receive? There I was picking at my food, drink untouched, when she starts asking weird questions.
"What gate are you at?"
"Gate A16". I didn't think anything of it.
But when she sent "umm", I knew something was up.
"You didn't come here did you?" "I wanted to surprise you". Well, there are no words for how quickly I dumped that food and ran to find a way to her. I was so touched that she had come all the way to airport to send me off. That was the one thing I'd wanted most out of my departure. I felt so bad that she was having a hard time the night before with her own issues and that I couldn't be there for her and that was just not how I wanted to leave her. But she came to me. She found me, thinking more about my happiness than her sadness. She was more concerned with giving me a happy sendoff. I was so extremely happy. The hard part was realizing that she was on the wrong side of the terminal and that I had to go back through security to get to. When she finally found the right place I left security and as soon as I saw her, I just ran into her arms, which held me tightly.
Good time to mention that this was an intense embrace which means face in neck closeness. My girlfriend wears a wool coat. I'm allergic to wool. Allergies be damned I was not going to taking this moment for granted.
So, we talked about the how the whole thing resembled a scene from a Rom Com. We laughed at out dorkiness. She even brought me snacks which included my favorite candy bar: Hershey's with Almonds. We took so many selfies and kissed and hugged and chatted. We were so cute that if I were an onlooker it would have been almost sickening, how cute and sweet we were. Combined with the date, those were the best moments leading up to my departure. I spent a good hour and a half with her and as four-thirty rolled around, I realized that I had to once again say goodbye. She walked me to the now extremely long security line. I gave her directions to the bathroom as she stood on the other side of the rope waiting with me until it was my turn. She waited until I got through security and we waved. Then we reluctantly went our separate ways...
Bon Voyage
As I finally boarded my plane my nerves kept rising and rising. My skin was flaring up too. I texted my girlfriend until the very end. My last text sent as she was getting on the subway to go home. We talked of kisses and cuddles when I returned.
On the plane ride I tried to sooth my skin with Vaseline. It worked a little but not much. This is a good time to talk about my flight mate.
She was a little Indian lady with too much makeup and too much conversation. Her carry on luggage was too fat to fit into the overhead compartments, but she wouldn't give up. It's funny because the stewardesses kept telling her to just wait until the plane finished loading because there was a likely chance that she could just put one of her bags under the seat next to her being that there were unsold seats. She kept trying though. Eventually she did listen. I was lucky because in our row of three, one seat was empty, so her seat which was originally next to mine became our buffer and she sat on the other end.
She was a character. She kept asking me questions, Like where was the church station on the TV. Miss, this stuff is pre-loaded, you have to search for it. She didn't like that idea. She asked how to turn the TV off, I told her. She didn't listen. Then, as I'm trying to sooth my skin and my nerves, she has the audacity to hole her finger out and ask for some of my Vaseline! Miss. I do not know you like that, no. She insisted, I insisted back. She finally gave up. Some people man.
And then I took a nap and almost missed snack time. Like, can a bitch get a snack tray too, damn?
Don't bypass me just because I'm sleep, put that tray right in my lap, I'll wake up. That trip was something.
The Tears
As I arrive in Germany, I am trying to figure out what time it is and where I should be. Before leaving the States, I checked my connecting flight gate on the airline's website and I found it easily enough. What I didn't think to do was double check on my ticket. Thus my nightmare began. I went from needing to be at gate Z15 to needing to be at gate B30. I ran slash speed walked towards my gate only to find out that I needed to take a train to a completely different terminal to get to my correct gate. I spent a whole two hours at the wrong gate and when I pulled out my ticket I realized I was in the wrong place. I felt so completely and utterly stupid. I was scared and sad and I at that point I just wanted to go home. When I finally made it to gate listed on my ticket, I found out the gate was switched again AND that I had already missed the flight. If I was flaring up before it was full blown now. I was crying and shaking and feeling so stupid and unworthy of this opportunity because I couldn't even do it right. I had to buy new ticket which was discounted since the gate was changed. However, I had to wait until the next day because they only fly one trip a day to my destination. I called my school officials and got some reassurance from them that everything would be okay and that there would be no penalty towards me for arriving late.
I spent the night in the Sheraton Hotel in Germany, across the street from the airport. In the hotel I called my mom and my was being an asshole. They weren't really sympathetic. They gave me the "This happens all of the time" speech. I decided I would call my girlfriend instead and she was very sympathetic and even offered to get my hotel room. Haha. She is too sweet. I told er that it was already taken care of and not to worry. She encouraged me to take a nap, which I desperately need because my nerves were off the charts. I woke up from my nap and decided to go get some food. I didn't know where , but I'd get it from somewhere. That's when I met the bellboy.
"Are you lost"
"No I'm okay"
"That's too bad because now I can't flirt with you"
It was quite a funny scene. He ended up showing a wonderful little place to get food or groceries if I so desired. He offered to walk me back to the hotel. but I assured him that I would be fine getting back on my own. He showed me around the store then went back to work. We had a nice chat on the way and he hit me a lot, which I gracefully ignored. Needless to say, he found me at the perfect time because I had no idea what I was going to eat.
At the end of my time in Frankfurt, Germany, I checked out of my hotel, assured my family that I would update them as soon as I landed, then went back to the airport. I made it to the right gate and made my way to Edinburgh Scotland. I Spent two days in Edinburgh for my home school's orientation. Then I took a train with some new schoolmates to my host school.
Can I Have Your Number?
Alas, the final part of the story. If you made it this far, congratulations because I know this was a long story, but hey, it's like a week's worth of events.
My new mates and I have finally arrived at out host institution. We get our room assignments and we unpack. One mat and I decide that we are hungry, but we don't know where the grocery store is yet. Being that we got here in the evening, it's not such a good time to go exploring. We'll order pizza! Well, we all know that delivery people need a number to contact you when your order has arrive. We don't have local phone numbers yet. We tried to use my mother's number but it didn't work. We're dying because we are practically starving by this point. It's going on twelve and the pizza store will close soon. Then, we are saved. After visiting another friend's room to chat about out situation we found out that she has a friend in the UK who is willing to let us use his number to order pizza. They call him, he texts us,we eat pizza! Thus we have survived the night. Tomorrow's mission: find the grocery store.
We get directions from the office about finding the nearest grocery store. lucky for us, it only eight minutes walking distance. Well, listening to my mate (with whom I starved with the night before) who heard the directions wrong, we walk two hours in the wrong direction.I knew something was wrong, but in my need for food, I didn't evaluate what I'd heard first. I just started walking. Bad idea. I heard the man say that it was really close,so why were we walking so long. I asked for directions and the lady point me in the direction close to out living quarters. It was at that point that I knew we should have turned right first and then left, not left first. (This is why I travel alone) We walk all the way back to were we started, then further down and FINALLY, two hours later, the grocery store (that's total time including going in the wrong direction).
I twas a cute little place and I bought some things that didn't really need to be cooked since I didn't have pot, pans, cooking/eating utensils yet. I got that stuff the next day.
After those two hellish weeks were over, things started to look up and I even had a great birthday. I Skype my mom and girlfriend regularly, and so far classes are okay. I'll update you all on that in the future. I'm really beginning to enjoy my time abroad and I'll try to update more (shorter) posts on my adventures.
Until next time!
