So, I'm a slacker, who has too many hobbies. Yes, guys that's a thing. We slackers know what it's like to half-ass our work. Currently, I am slacking on my language studies. Bad Passóne, shame on you!
I know, I know, but I've lost my motivation. Have you ever just lost to the will to do something you love? I love a lot of things and can never really keep up with everything that I try to do. I leave novels unfinished, knitting half knitted, songs unrecorded, and languages unfluencied...? Okay, that's not a word, but I didn't wanna break the flow. Don't judge me...
My point is, I'm essentially doing everything and yet still nothing at all. It's hard to kinda get out of a funk, when you don't really know why you lost your motivation to begin with. Honestly, I might not even finish this blog... I am so full of conflicting emotions that when I do eventually get back to enjoying my hobbies, I suddenly have a truck load of reasons why it's not good enough. Who will read my novel, wear my scarf, like my song, or speak in Chinese with me? At the same time, I'm like "Maybe someone will find a spark in it all, and if not, I'll be happy that I finally completed something". When I get these feelings, I get so charged and motivated to finish everything that I ever started in life, for about one week and the the spark is gone again... *Sigh* It doesn't help that I am a perfectionist. For all of my fellow perfectionist, you know that when something is not exactly how you want it to be, you won't even let the ghosts see it until it is.
My thinking also gets pretty crazy, when I have a swirl of ideas. I want to include everything and I know how I want it included, but my hands just do not move quickly enough. As a result, some of what I believe to be great ideas, get lost forever.
I wonder what it's like for an idea to get lost forever. Do they go to some dark abyss in the back of our minds, never to be seen or herd from again? I wonder if they get sad, like little orphaned kittens... Awwww, that's so sad~~ Come back little ideas!
Ahem. Back to the subject at hand.
Part of me knows I could be trying a little harder to keep up with my hobbies, but then at that point it just comes down to laziness, we all know how that ends. Can I just mention how I only get super awesome ideas the month before school starts and then I never finish anything I start, once school begins. Maybe school is killing my mojo! *GASP* School is the murderous culprit and I can't let it get away with this! Guys, I clearly have to drop out of school in order to pursue happiness. It's all so clear to me now...
No, I'm kidding. I actually really love school and learning, and I have other career plans, which is why I suffer through boring lectures and group assignments everyday. Look for my politics rant, coming soon.
Okay, that was a random tangent...So clearly, I'm crazy.
Anyway, why am I telling you all of this? I am telling to because I love Chinese, and I think I finally found the spark that will get me motivated to start studying Mandarin again. Actually, my girlfriend was going through the same thing with her studies in Japanese. We are trying to study abroad and that has motivated us to get back in the habit of hardcore language study. I have been slacking so much in Mandarin that in order for me to be placed properly, when I do go abroad, I really need to review what I have already learned in the past and may learn something new while I am at it. It would suck if I were to be placed in beginners classes when I am on the intermediate level. Anybody, who has ever had to hear the same lesson over and over, knows how it feels to be bored in a class like that. Anyways, onward and upward! I gotta stop slacking, or I'll be the one to suffer in the end.
再見!
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