Of course these questions can only be answered on an individualized basis. Obviously it requires some internal reflection and honesty with oneself, in regards to one's own shortcomings. What then, is the question we need to ask ourselves to start the reflection journey? Again, that can be determined on an individualized basis, however, I think if you are stuck you can start with this: HOW DO OTHERS PERCEIVE MY ACTIONS?
Good, no? I think this is a good start to self reflection because it gets us thinking about the things we do and makes us examine them a little more closely. First, to us, what we say or do may not seem that offensive, may be joking, or may not even be meant to offend, but we all come from different walks of life so everyone doesn't take things in the same way. Second, most of us do not think about things before we say them. We all know that one person who says everything they think, with no filter. Even if it's true and everyone is thinking, but they don't want to be that guy, that person just lets it all out. *Raises Hand* I'm guilty of doing this. I'll explain why later, but let me tell you why it may not always be the best thing, all of the time.
1) While you may think something needs to be said in that moment, you need to remember "Time & Place".We need to be more mindful of the things we say, when we say them, and to whom we say them. If you have burning commentary, I give you full permission to tune out of whatever is happening at that moment. Why? Because the more you are listening, the stronger the burn will be to blurt out what you want to say. When you tune out, you give yourself time to really think about why you feel the need to say something. You can think about a few things:
- What do I want to say?
- What words am I planning to use?
- What will this comment or question contribute in a constructive or solution driven manner?
- How will others perceive my statement?
- Am I really saying what I mean?
This, literally, will take you about two minutes, if you are doing it properly. However, that is plenty of time to determine if your commentary is even worth expending the energy. Most of the time, the things we want to say are just spur of the moment things that just popped into our brain cells. They don't need to be said or expanded upon. So there goes the common statement: "Think before you speak".
2) Some people just CANNOT, under any circumstances, handle honesty. Yes. This is a thing. Some people are so deep in denial, with themselves, that anything you say to them to bring in reality, is a stone to their glass house. Even if you have good intentions, or your commentary is not directed towards them, they will feel attacked. They will end up either not liking you, avoiding you, or feeling threatened by you. Do you know why? It's because there are actually some people in the world who will absolutely adore you for your honesty and willingness to say what's on your mind. The people who can't handle the truth, do not want to surround themselves with it; so, having people who love you and your truth bringing, brings in other truth bringers, and that makes them uncomfortable. However, once again, if you are not careful, you could end up alienating people. Why should you care about those "weaklings", when people will love you regardless, you ask? Good question! Let me tell you: In this society,
IMAGE IS EVERYTHING!!!!!
You may not realize it, but those people do have some power. They can paint you in unfavorable light to other people, who have never even met you before. They can tell their friends and acquaintances that you are mean, you are a bully, you are offensive/insensitive, ignorant, etc. So, people who might have otherwise liked you, will already have their image of you painted. It is actually hard to shift a person's perspective when they are determined to see a certain way, especially if they are trying to be loyal to someone.
When these negative images are painted, you can lose out on so many networking opportunities. So, always observe and get a feel for people before being so open and blunt. I'm not saying lie about who you are or be fake, I'm saying: think before you speak. Also, keep in mind that I'm telling you to be mindful FOR YOU, not for them. In order to succeed in life, it's all about who you know, not what you know or how skilled you are. So don't burn any bridges (unless you really just can't with a certain person, then by all means, set it ablaze. Otherwise, do your best to think of your future).
Now, why do I say whatever is on my mind? Well, for one, I think before I speak and am always ready to debate. However, that is also my downfall, because I end up making myself more upset, which in turn makes me do petty things. So, even though I think, I need to learn to just let some things go, because people who are afraid of the truth are the most frustrating people I have ever met (next to the willingly ignorant). We blunt and honest people just need to work on being blunt to our advantage, rather than to our demise. You people out there trying to save everyone's feelings: STOP IT. You're mainly hurting yourself and you'd be surprised how many people actually appreciate your honesty. Once we normalize honesty, it won't just be something that is "refreshing", it will be something that we come to expect. Until then, just be cool, be you, and keep swimming!
